News

9/19/2014

I’m sure this all could have been avoided if Mr. Spirit had gone to the NRA’s www.nrafamilyinsights.org website and clicked on the ‘Family Fun & Adventure’ link.

Don Spirit kills six grandchildren, daughter and himself in Florida shooting, sheriff says

donspirit

http://www.newsday.com/news/nation/don-spirit-kills-six-grandchildren-daughter-and-himself-in-florida-shooting-sheriff-says-1.9350364

 

9/18/2014

THROWBACK THURSDAY

Before there was The National Small Penis Association, there were these guys. (Galveston Bay, Texas – 1981)

vietfishermenkkk500

 

9/16/2014

Guns don’t kill people.  Drunken middle aged brothers trying to reenact a fancy gun twirling stunt from a largely forgotten 1993 western kill people.

‘Tombstone’ stunt goes horribly wrong at Florida woman’s birthday party 

tombstone-film

http://nydn.us/1sihWAM

 

 

9/15/2014

DON’T MESS WITH TEXAS, and don’t mess with insecure, emotionally immature white men who have small penises and are disappointed with the way their lives turned out and vent their mixture of self pity and crybaby rage by shooting whoever happens to be in their line of fire in Texas.  If push comes to shove, this is how The National Small Penis Association rolls in Texas.

Sammuel Everett Toomey Charged In Corpus Christi Trailer Park Shooting

sammuel

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/15/3-dead-in-corpus-christi-_0_n_5825754.html9/15/2014

 

9/14/2014

We need a well armed militia to protect ourselves from our government when they come to round us up for the FEMA camps and from dogs who get loose from their back yards. Stand your ground!

Off-Duty Tulsa cop shoots, kills neighborhood dog

tulsa

http://www.kjrh.com/news/local-news/off-duty-tulsa-cop-shoots-kills-neighborhood-dog

 

9/13/2014

Why should our government waste money on Head Start when the money could be more wisely spent on teaching toddlers to shoot automatic weapons?

kidguns

Where Kids as Young as 5 Learn to Shoot Automatic Weapons

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/09/10/where-kids-as-young-as-5-learn-to-shoot-automatic-weapons.html

 

9/12/2014

Guns don’t hurt people.  Porcelain toilets hurt people.

Teacher hurt when gun accidently shatters toilet
utah
September 11 at 7:46 PM

SALT LAKE CITY — A Utah elementary school teacher who was carrying a concealed firearm at school was struck by fragments from a bullet and a porcelain toilet when her gun accidently fired in a faculty bathroom on Thursday, officials said.The sixth-grade teacher at Westbrook Elementary School, in the Salt Lake City suburb of Taylorsville, was injured when the bullet struck a toilet and caused it to explode, Granite School District spokesman Ben Horsley said.Authorities initially thought the teacher had accidently shot herself. They now believe she was injured when the bullet and toilet fragments struck her lower leg.   The teacher, identified as Michelle Ferguson-Montgomery, was in good condition Thursday afternoon in a Salt Lake City hospital, Horsley said.  No listed phone number for Ferguson-Montgomery was available.No other faculty or students witnessed the shooting, but they might have heard the gunshot or seen the teacher as she was helped out of the school to a waiting ambulance, he said.  Classes continued as usual Thursday, and crisis counselors were available, Horsley said.  Officials were still investigating how the gun discharged. “This just appears at this point in time to be an accident,” he said.Horsley said Ferguson-Montgomery has been a teacher with the school for 14 years but he did not have her age. She was carrying her gun legally with a concealed-firearm permit, Horsley said.  Utah is among the few states that allow people with concealed-weapons permits to carry guns in public schools, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures.

 

9/11/2014
THROWBACK THURSDAY!
The National Small Penis Association old school! (1967)

throwback

 

9/8/2014

Umm, I must respectfully decline the Asafo Gun Club’s invitation to meet them at their headquarters because I, umm, am getting ready to take my mother to go see the Oak Ridge Boys in concert in Branson, MO. Thanks for the invitation, though. – Lee Greenwood Hannity

afamo

 

 

9/7/2014

Mitt, I know just how you feel.  I would have done a better job of impregnating Scarlett Johansson than her fiancé. – Lee Greenwood Hannity

Romney: I Would Have Done A Better Job Than Obama

WASHINGTON (AP) — Former GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney says there is no question in his mind that he would have been more effective in the White House than President Barack Obama. But he reiterates he has no plans to run again.

romney

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaMOLWLT04A&feature=player_embedded

9/5/2014

 

Kevin Sorbo Official Facebook Page

I do remember this one, though.
Photo: I do remember this one, though.
Once again, Kevin Sorbo shows why he is such a favorite with The National Small Penis Association.  Since I’m a good Christian conservative, I’m going to cut straight to the heart of this matter. Michelle Obama – Black/Ann Romney – White. I applaud Kevin for the stands he takes even if it hurts his chances of ever getting a decent acting job again because of all of the liberal America haters who run Hollywood who are determined to sabotage his career. Heck, Kevin can’t even get a cameo in one of the Expendable movies. That has nothing to do with his acting ability or lack of audience interest in seeing him. No, it’s because he tells the TRUTH, and there are a lot of people out there who can’t handle the truth!
 

9/3/2014

Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson was on Hannity to share his wisdom on how to handle the threat from ISIS. It’s just a shame he didn’t get to go to Vietnam to put this type of Git-R-Done attitude into practice. Instead, he got a deferment to avoid service after getting married in 1966.  There is nothing more inspiring than hearing how he would handle himself if he faced life and death danger in the heat of war.  Well, I guess it would be a little more inspiring if he had actually faced this type of danger when it had been his turn to serve, but it’s still pretty inspiring. Please click the link to see this brilliant interview.

http://www.breitbart.com/Breitbart-TV/2014/09/02/Phil-Robertson-on-ISIS-Convert-Them-or-Kill-Them

duckhunt          vietcong

Well, many Viet Cong soldiers may have dodged a lot of bullets because of his absence in the jungles, but a lot of ducks in Louisiana weren’t so lucky. 

 

9/2/2014

Okay, so even though the Shoot Straight gun range in Casselberry, FL featured in my last post was the site five years ago of a mother/son murder/suicide, it just goes to show that we need more guns, even at gun ranges, to prevent these types of incidents.

momshootstraight

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/30109090/ns/us_news-crime_and_courts/t/mom-kills-son-then-self-shooting-range/#.VAZ7omx0zIU

 

9/1/2014

I don’t look at this as an accident. I look at it as a bonding experience. It’s just typical liberal media spin trying to scare people about guns.

shootstraight

http://www.wesh.com/news/two-men-injured-in-casselberry-gun-range-accident/27815696#!bOfSkT

8/31/2014

TED NUGENT, HE MAY HAVE GONE TO GREAT LENGTHS TO AVOID SERVICE IN VIETNAM, BUT SOMEBODY HAD TO STAY HOME TO THIN OUT THE DEER POPULATION TO REDUCE THE NUMBER OF CARS DAMAGED BY HITTING DEER.

Ted, I thank Jesus you went to such extensive lengths back in the day to avoid service in Vietnam so you could stay alive to fight for gun rights and accept praise from those men and women who actually went into battle to serve their country. Better to have you face an unarmed deer in the woods than to face an armed and highly motivated Viet Cong soldier in the tunnels of Cu Chi. There were plenty of others who went in your place and sacrificed their lives, but they probably never could have stayed home out of harm’s way and written a song like ‘Cat Scratch Fever’, only the greatest rock song ever. Those who went in your place and actually served may be in their graves, but you are still ROCKING! It fills my Christian heart with joy to know that some U.S. Military men and women praise you and don’t hold it against you that you consciously avoided service back when it was your turn.

 

8/30/2014

Happy 50th Wedding Anniversary to Mr. and Mrs. Dick Cheney!

Congratulations to Dick Cheney, one of our biggest heroes here at the National Small Penis Association, and his lovely wife, Lynne.  Thank you Jesus for bringing this couple together in marriage and giving Dick a good excuse to get multiple deferments to avoid serving in Vietnam. If he had been sent to actually fight in a war that he supported, he might have been killed and never would have been able to liberate Iraq.

cheneyanniversary

 

 

8/28/2014

TYPICAL LIBERAL MEDIA DOUBLE STANDARD!

The liberal media went gaga reporting that a 13 year old girl threw a 70 mph fastball like it was the greatest thing in the world while it carried on like a crybaby ninny reporting that a 9 year old girl fired an Uzi like it was the worst thing in the world. What else would you expect from the liberal media?

mo'neuzi1

 

8/27/2014

GIRL POWER!

A 9-Year-Old at a Shooting Range, a Spraying Uzi and Outrage

http://nyti.ms/1AUDr1f

uzi1

 

8/24/2014

Just like Wayne LaPierre said, nothing delivers security and justice like a good guy with a gun.

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/edblog/bond-set-for-white-cop-who-allegedly-shot-down-daughters-black-boyfriend

Bond Set for White Cop Who Allegedly Shot Daughter’s Black Boyfriend

kepler

 

8/23/2014

Kevin Sorbo is a big favorite with the members of the National Small Penis Association.  Though his career as an action star may have ended many years ago, I think he has a future in comedy.  There is nothing funnier than jokes about bombs in places of worship.

sorbo fourgirls

 

 

8/20/2014

Come to think of it, maybe a few reasonable regulations on open carry wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

Dallas Huey P. Newton Gun Club Plans Open Carry-Type Rally « CBS Dallas / Fort Worth

http://dfw.cbslocal.com/2014/08/19/huey-p-newton-gun-club-gun-club-plans-open-carry-rally-by/

newton newton2

8/14/2014

MISSISSIPPIGUNNEWS.COM —- ONLY THE GREATEST WEBSITE EVER!

http://www.mississippigunnews.com/can-binge-drinking-wild-partying-college-students-be-trusted-with-a-gun/

EAT IT, NINA SIMONE

 

8/11/2014

THE FIRST ROUNDS ( .45 ACP and Keystone Light) WILL BE ON THE NSPA

Alcohol and gun shows go together like unregulated fertilizer plants and school buildings. Just two more reasons why Texas rules!!!!

Texas board considers allowing alcohol at gun shows

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/govbeat/wp/2014/08/11/texas-board-considers-allowing-alcohol-at-gun-shows/

gunshow

8/4/2014

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

johnhinkley

Taking a Bullet, Gaining a Cause: James S. Brady Dies at 73

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/05/us/politics/james-s-brady-symbol-of-fight-for-gun-control-dies-at-73.html

 

8/3/2014

WHEN WILL OUR VICTIMIZATION END?

I have called an immediate NSPA executive council meeting to stop this horrible persecution of Come and Take It Texas, our brothers in arms and small penises in Texas, who are bravely openly carrying their big guns in public only to be mocked and harassed by these heartless harlots.  Governor Perry, I am praying to Jesus Christ right now that you will send the National Guard so you can protect them until we are able to deploy to Austin.  We will keep you posted.  Pray (just to Jesus Christ because those are the only prayers that get heard after all) for us, please.

WATCH: Topless Texans Spar With Open Carry Activists: ‘Boobs For Peace!’

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/video-open-carry-protesters-vs-topless-women

 

7/30/2014

OY VEY, BLOOMBERG, WE’RE ON TO YOU!

NRA Lobbyist Belittles Any Jew Who Backs Gun Control Because The Holocaust

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/29/nra-holocaust_n_5628484.html

 

7/29/2014

GUNS DON’T KILL PEOPLE…emotionally unstable teenagers who grow up to be lawyers who devote their lives to providing unfettered access to semi automatic assault rifles kill people.  So can we finally stop trying to ban guns with needless legislation?  Thank you.

http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2014/07/robert-dowlut-nra-murder-mystery

 

7/28/2014

HEY,SHIT HAPPENS

Look, if we’re going to have a well armed militia to protect us from our government, we’re going to need to crack a few eggs to make an omelet.

Pregnant woman dies after accidental shooting – FOX 35 News Orlando.

dehayes

William DeHayes – NSPA Charter Member

 

7/23/2014

CRUISING WITH SENATOR GRAHAM!!!

lindseycarlindseycar2
We here at the NSPA swell with pride all over different parts of our bodies when we spend time by ourselves and look at these pictures of conservative Christian Senator Lindsey Graham out cruising to look for any muscular young men in military uniforms who have been sent out with marching orders by our dictator Obama to confiscate our guns and then to force us on our knees in a dark alley so they can commit acts of depravity on our quivering, sweaty bodies over and over and over and over again. Senator Graham, thank you. It is so comforting to know we have you covering our backs.

7/22/2014

IT’S NOT OUR FAULT WE DON’T HAVE ANY BLACK GUYS IN THE NSPA

Look, I’m getting sick and tired of all the haters out there who keep pointing out that there aren’t any black guys in the National Small Penis Association. I will not compromise the integrity of the NSPA by lowering our membership eligibility standards just so I can say we have a couple of black guys as members. You won’t find any political correctness or affirmative action here. I don’t care if you’re white, black, yellow, green or blue. You just need to be able to measure up if you want to be a member. It just so happens that it’s only the white guys who measure up. I guess the haters would like me to invent some sort of radiation ray weapon that shrinks black guys’ penises. Well, haters, sorry to disappoint you, but it’s not going to happen. I’ve got more important things to do, like making sure the government doesn’t storm into our homes and confiscate our guns.

7/20/14

I’M BACK ONLINE, IT WAS ALL A MISUNDERSTANDING

I am happy to report my year and a half detention in Thailand is over, and I am back in the United States to fight for my small penised brothers to keep their rights to strap really big and powerful guns to their waists . No matter what you hear (there are a lot of haters out there, after all), the detention was simply a misunderstanding over my visa paperwork.

All that matters is that I’m back in the thick of the battle just in time. I see ex(thankfully)-Mayor Bloomberg is still trying to take away our rights while he isn’t busy trying to manipulate the world’s money supply. I also see Harvey Weinstein (I think I’m seeing a pattern here, I’m just saying) is crowing that he will be making an anti gun movie starring Meryl Streep to take down the NRA.

Well, Harvey, I have news for you. I made good use of my year and a half in a cramped Bangkok jail by writing the screenplay for ‘The Man With A Small Penis’, an inspirational tale about a man with a small penis and a Colt LE901-901.308 Carbine. I don’t want to give away the plot just yet, but I describe it as ‘The King’s Speech’ meets ‘Red Dawn.’ Though it’s not official, I hope to have Victoria Jackson attached to the project soon. See you at the Oscar’s, Harvey and Meryl. IT’S ON!!!!

2/1/13

FEBRUARY IS SMALL PENIS AWARENESS MONTH

Well, we couldn’t take our country back in November, but we can take our month of February back. We here at the NSPA are tired of black people getting all of the attention in February so we are proud to announce February is Small Penis Awareness Month. Granted, none of us here at the compound would have ever invented peanut butter if we were sitting in a laboratory filled with buckets of peanuts, but we are damn well sure it was a white guy who invented jelly. Throughout the month, we will highlight the contributions small penised white guys have made to American history and culture, like the Confederate Army, the NRA, and the Blue Collar Comedy Tour.

We will use the month to grow the Small Penis pride movement to fight our fascist government’s plot to take our guns (and our manhood) away.

12/30/12

There is absolutely no truth to the local media reports that Lee Greenwood Hannity, President of the National Small Penis Association,  was arrested for public indecency at the Regal dollar theater in Canton last week.  Mr. Hannity swears on the holy Bible that he was not masturbating in his seat during a screening of ‘Red Dawn’, which the NSPA has declared as the best film of 2012, by the way. Mr. Hannity simply spilled some popcorn on his lap and was wiping the popcorn away.   Mr. Hannity will have no further comments on this vast conspiracy because he will be focused on battling the Obama administration’s upcoming assault on our gun rights.  Please check back regularly for our dispatches from the front lines.

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