Well, we couldn’t take our country back in November, but we can take our month of February back. We here at the NSPA are tired of black people getting all of the attention in February so we are proud to announce February is Small Penis Awareness Month. Granted, none of us here at the compound would have ever invented peanut butter if we were sitting in a laboratory filled with buckets of peanuts, but we are damn well sure it was a white guy who invented jelly. Throughout the month, we will highlight the contributions small penised white guys have made to American history and culture, like the Confederate Army, the NRA, and the Blue Collar Comedy Tour.

We will use the month to grow the Small Penis pride movement to fight our fascist government’s plot to take our guns (and our manhood) away.


There is absolutely no truth to the local media reports that Lee Greenwood Hannity, President of the National Small Penis Association,  was arrested for public indecency at the Regal dollar theater in Canton last week.  Mr. Hannity swears on the holy Bible that he was not masturbating in his seat during a screening of ‘Red Dawn’, which the NSPA has declared as the best film of 2012, by the way. Mr. Hannity simply spilled some popcorn on his lap and was wiping the popcorn away.   Mr. Hannity will have no further comments on this vast conspiracy because he will be focused on battling the Obama administration’s upcoming assault on our gun rights.  Please check back regularly for our dispatches from the front lines.

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